Just to recap for those of you who don't follow my other blog, makingamomma I'm gonna do a little recap.
Jake and I got married September 28,2012. Our plan since I can remember was to start a family as soon as we got married. On the night back in 2007, when I met Jake, one of the first things that jumped out at me about him was hearing him talking about having children one day.
So after our beautiful wedding we were so excited with anticipation! We just knew that in a few months Id have the beginnings of a baby bump and that we would be in a whirlwind of baby showers, strollers, cloth diapers, maternity leggings and midnight cravings.
In looking back there was a very small dark corner in my mind and heart that was a little scared that things wouldn't happen as quickly as I wanted. I had just had a feeling for years that Id struggle getting pregnant.
The months before our wedding I noticed that my cycles were not "gracing" me with its presence every month. But I attributed it to non stop wedding planning on top of a new night shift job. And then they seemed to get more regular for about 5 months. I was pretty sure we were in the clear. And then BAM they just stopped.
Finally after Aunt Flo was MIA for about 3 months I went to my OBGYN for some blood work. Well the news that came back were not what I wanted to hear. In talking with my Doctor the only words I could hear were "PREMATURE OVARIAN FAILURE...PRE-MENOPAUSE....INCREASED RISK OF OSTEOPOROSIS, HEART DISEASE...HORMONE REPLACEMENT THERAPY...EGG DONOR" It was the weirdest feeling because In sense I just wanted to cry. And on the other hand I felt like I had been expecting news like this.
Fast forward a few months later and after tons of research online I ran across a blog of a Florida woman who was diagnosed with the same thing. She started a regimen of supplements, Chinese medicine, acupuncture and wheat grass smoothies (yuck, just in case you were wondering) and after 5 months she is pregnant with twins! So I jumped on that band wagon!
Week in and week out I was taking 39 pills a day, wheat grass smoothies daily, Castor oil packs every other day and acupuncture every other week.
All the while, I found myself saying a silent prayer daily. "Dear God, if having biological children is not your plan for Jake and I, PLEASE take this desire away from me." You see from as far back as I can remember, if you asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, it was never a Doctor, or a teacher...it was always a Mom. I felt and still feel like its my calling in life. So I prayed this prayer daily and slowly I felt myself being more open to the idea of Egg Donor.
About three weeks ago my mother called me with a dream. In her dream it was just a simple snapshot of my husband and I. I was holding a toddling blond haired little boy who looked just like my husband. Jake was holding a 2 or 3 year old little Asian beauty. I thought to myself. "Huh. that's kinda cool" but kind of brushed it off. However I couldn't get that dream out of my head. I started thinking more and more about adoption. Should we? Could we? Could I love an adopted child like I would a biological child? What would my husband think?
And then it seemed like overnight my heart was changed. God had answered my prayers and through that had shown me what his path was for Jake and I. Adoption.
And that brings us to where we are now. Jake and I have decided to start our family through adoption. And we couldn't be more excited! We know that our child is out there somewhere and we cant wait to bring him or her home!!!!